I'm taking a huge risk doing this and expect an immediate visit from the code and copyright police with prison to follow shortly thereafter but I feel it's my sworn duty to serve my fellow community Kaseyaites and so I'm hereby leaking the code to the new remote control which has just come into my possession through means I can't divulge - but I can tell you that some psychic abilities and some very unsavory characters were involved. Once you've seen this code you'll understand why they had to drop support for that RDP thing you've all been whining about and it will become immediately clear why it's so super duper amazingly blindlingly fast. Here you go:
1 GOTO 2
2 GOTO 1
Wait.... I think I hear black helicopters.... Someone's pounding at my door.... Aiiyyyyyyiiiiii.....
I think it's more like
var1 = "Typical Customer"
if AVG(TOLERANCE(var1)) > AVG(HAPPYNESS(var1)) then
action = "Keep Shoveling in General Terms"
action = "Explain in jumbled words that make little sense."
// This must be done as customers are IT literate and very smart and generally know when we are blowing
// smoke. To avoid this, avoid making any sense. Because the pride of our customers may make them
// think that we are explaining something knew in technology and pride may keep them from asking
// further questions